Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
