my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i will never coherently bang her
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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