You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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