Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
