walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
