dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
