i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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