I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
