If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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