I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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