yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
