I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
