Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
