my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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