btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize