Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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