They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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