i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
