He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
