I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
