So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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