I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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