sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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