I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
