i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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