yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
