it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
