I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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