his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
