Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
