i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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