matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
