Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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