I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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