yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Is that strawberry winking at me??
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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