I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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