all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
