You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
