Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
