What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
