just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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