The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
