i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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