Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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