im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
