you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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