bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
