well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
