Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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