Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
