i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
