is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
