Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
