I accidentally had phone sex last night
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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