Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
