So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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