I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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