I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
