hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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