I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
