God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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