Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize