K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
