i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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