im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize