I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
