I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
