When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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