I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
