god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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