i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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