she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
