and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
