Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
