Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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