Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
