Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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